According to a recent study, 96 per cent women feel guilty at least once a day, having a destructive effect on their health.
Here are 10 ways to deal with this, that could leave you happy and guilt-free.
Are you sick of reading about how an amazing broccoli-only diet will
make you happier, how spending more time with your children will boost
their self-esteem, or how decluttering your home could transform your
sex life? You're not the only one. According to a recent study, 96 per
cent of women feel guilty at least once a day. This can have a
destructive effect on our health, even factoring in the onset of
depression. Here's how you can beat the 10 most common causes of guilt.
Not spending enough time with your children
A startling majority of working moms feel like they haven't struck the
right balance between their work and children. If you're at work
worrying about the children, work isn't getting the best out of you and
the kids aren't getting anything. You should give your full dedication
depending on where you are, whether at work or with the kids. That way
everyone, including yourself, benefits.
Not losing extra weight
More than 70 per cent women report being on a diet at any one given
time, regardless of whether they are actually overweight or not. If you
want to look gorgeous and slim, choose to change your situation and make
time to go to the gym or a slimming group. Recognise it is your choice
and no one else is to blame.
Spending money on yourself
Going on a shopping spree may be fun, but the after effects can send
some into a spiral of self-loathing and guilt. However, if you
rationalise your reasons for spending money on a spa break because you
need the downtime, or a new business suit because it will help you in
your work, then you have no reason to feel guilty.
Your partner is unhappy
If you do feel guilty that you're not doing enough to make your partner
happy, then it is suggested that you both sit down and look at your
timetables and agree on how you can make more time for each other.
Discuss it and come up with a change in your behaviours that will make
you both happier as a couple. Always being late
Sometimes, situations arise which will make us late, no matter how well
prepared we are, prompting feelings of guilt and panic. Sitting on a
train and getting aggravated about what you could be doing if you were
there already is a waste of energy. Ask yourself how you can use the
moment? You could write out a full shopping list, rehearse what you want
to say in the meeting or call your mother. Sitting there winding
yourself up hurts only yourself and no one else.
Not being able to play the perfect hostess
Many women say they would like to put on the perfect dinner party or a
drinks bash but they often set themselves high standards that they then
fail to meet. The desire for social excellence derives from our need to
be perfect all the time. Go on, host your party and be a bad party
hostess.The moment you accept you can do it, but do it badly, it takes
the pressure off. We give ourselves a lot of 'I should be the perfect
dinner party host'. Everyone has a different perception of everything so
you can try to host a dinner party but you have to do it your way.
Forgetting birthdays
It's not deliberate. Some of us are running about for 18 hours a day
and have a million things to do. If you do feel guilty then simply tell
yourself you know you're doing your best, apologise and make clear that
it wasn't something done deliberately. If the person chooses to take
umbrage, then that's up to them.
Taking out some me-time
Living up to the 'superwoman' image that many women wish to maintain,
can lead to terrible feelings of guilt over giving themselves time off
to get their hair done or read a book. But doing nothing is very
important in allowing us to physically and mentally recharge. But it is
very difficult for other people to see you doing nothing and allow
yourself to do it. Tell people the truth. That you need a break because
you are at your limit - then accept that the world is not going to fall
apart without you.
Letting your parents down
Women can inherit guilty feelings through the generations of not doing
enough for their elders and in some way failing their parents. Learn to
accept that your parents will love and judge you no matter what.
Obviously do try and be sensitive but if you go your own way and you are
successful and happy, then if they are decent human beings, they'll be
happy for you in any way.
Saying 'No'
Saying 'no' is hard because we don't want to be seen as the baddie and
because women are taught from a young age to put others first. The first
thing to do is to give yourself time to think about each request and it
is suggested that you say something noncommittal like, 'That sounds
interesting, give me half an hour and I'll get back to you on it'. If you really don't want to do what they ask, then give the person other options to help solve their problem.
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